I struggle with fear.... Fear of what other people think of me. I let what others think of me determine my actions instead of what God thinks of me. I've been trying to apply Luke 12:4-7 to my life:
"I tell you, my friends, do not fear those who kill the body, and after that have nothing more that they can do. But I will warn you whom to fear: fear him who, after he has killed, has authority to cast into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him! Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows." (ESV)
"Why fear a kitten, when we should fear a lion" is one of my favorite quotes to paraphrase the first few verses. :-)
But I still struggle with letting people tell me who I am and giving me my value instead of letting God. I was shown this through a very difficult boss that I had earlier this year, January-April. Not only was I learning where I mistakenly place my value but also how to love my enimies, forgive, and go through struggles in a way that glorifies The Lord.
It was not easy, and I was so tempted to run! My husband gave me permission to leave before he found a job if I wanted to, and at first I was thrilled about the possibility of moving on from a job I couldn't stand and a boss who treated me poorly. But as I prayed about it and talked it through with my father-in-law, I knew the Lord was telling me I was running from conflict and from the lessons He wanted to teach me.
This was not easy to accept, and I cried a lot. I was so angry at the time knowing that it was God's will for me to stay when I so badly wanted to run....
It's hard accepting God's timing... It's hard laying down your rights of making your own choices and letting God decide what you're supposed to do.... Because sometimes Gods way is painful, it is not usually the path of least resistance... He wants to put us through His refining fire, so that we come out on the other side looking more like His Son.
Learning the lessons of placing my value only in Christ, forgiveness, loving my enemies, and having the proper attitude amidst trials is very important. Because these are life lessons.....
Where to place my value is important bc I also don't want to place it in my husband, how well I manage my home, or my future children because they are not ultimate... Christ is ultimate.
I need to learn how to bless and forgive when it's hard and learn to go through trials in way that honors the Lord because marriage and motherhood are not easy, I will need to forgive and bless my husband even when I don't feel like it, and who knows what trials life may bring... Bringing glory to God in all I do is my sole purpose.
This situation also taught me to have an eternal perspective instead of the here and now..... Looking at what God is accomplishing in my life through trails and pain, what His purpose is.... and not at the trial and pain itself.
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." (2 Corinthians 4:17 NIV)
I wish I could say after having this revelation all was wonderful and I was able to persevere without fault, but then that wouldn't be the truth....
It was still hard to go to work everyday, I confess I complained in my head and out loud often. :-/ And I am not all that sure I learned these lessons well... It seems I am still in kindergarten with most of these lessons....
But progress is progress. And the progress made was the realization that these sins are living within me....
But the wonderful news is that so is the Holy Spirit who is waging war against my flesh! He is drawing these things out so they can be dealt with... So they can be put through the refining fire... So I will become more like Christ. The process is not easy, and it is painful.... But in the end it's "achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."
For His Glory,
Emily
